My friend, Bobbi Bryant, shares some of her reflections on the recent training we presented at the Life and Death Wellness Center, and the value that end-of-life doulas bring to the dying and their families.
I was walking one of my favorite paths along the Mahukona beach park cliffs late one recent afternoon, just as the sun was heading towards the horizon, I took time to reflect on the End-of-Life Doula Training and the three full days we were in the company of 19 beautiful people, all desiring to know more about how we care for each other at the end of life. The training at the Life and Death Wellness Center in Kapa’au from February 21-23 was a potent experience and as usual, my friend and co-facilitator Dr. Cha Cha was with us, offering her knowledge and experience with her readily available vibrancy.
Each day with the group was a dance of give and take, of teaching and learning, of offering guidance and receiving knowledge, of inquiry and reflection. Each day was a blessing. I am no longer really surprised at the quality of open-hearted humans that arrive for these trainings. I know that each person who shows up to take part in the sacred circle of learning is a blessing.
Doulas walk along-side people on the end of life journey by offering non-medical physical, spiritual and emotional support. For three days Charlotte and I offered the group tools and skills through conversation, lecture, and role play. We were blessed with their attention and intention to learn.
Together we discussed what the doula model of holistic non-medical support for those at the end of life looks like, and how the current medical model for end-of-life care is lacking in a humane compassionate approach. Doulas play an important role in educating and guiding people towards planning for the end of life. The goal is for people to understand they have choices, and within a fractured medical system they can advocate for their own well-being concerning care and treatment. Doulas also provide support with legacy projects, spiritual matters, meaningful rituals, sitting vigil in the last days and education concerning after death care. Caregiver support is also high on the list of doula offerings.
While feeling the warmth of the day recede, I reflected on an email from a sister doula. Her mother had recently died. She was fortunate enough to spend the last twelve hours of her mother’s life caring for her. Before her mother died, she said to her devoted daughter “I really thought I had more time” and followed that with “We all really need each other”. I spoke about the importance of both messages during the training. We all think we have more time, and the reality is we never know how much time we have left. How we live our lives moment by moment until the very end matters greatly. Making plans for our care and well-being until the very last breath, matters greatly. And, we really do need each other. This is not a walk we have to do alone — we are all in this together.
As the sun was dropping down into the beautiful blue sparking ocean, and the various shades of pink and orange started appearing in the sky, I reflected on what Ram Dass said: “We are all just walking each other home”.
Original artwork by Cole Smith, one of our trainees.
