Although this is my favorite, most wonderful time of year, I am keenly aware that even more grief is present for so many of us.
On December 5th, I was telling a family I had just met in the emergency department that their father had just died despite all our best efforts. It was my first death of the holiday season. I’ve done this too many times to count, but I’m not sure why after 20 years, I still hope that people will stop dying around Christmas. That’s magical thinking on my part as, in fact, it happens statistically more often around this season.
My cousin wrote a beautful post on lessons about her own grief after her father, my Uncle WF, died on that exact day one year ago. That’s him below, just before he took off for his final flight.
Enjoy Cindy’s uplifting words of wisdom:
December 5th was the first anniversary of losing my Dad. Here’s a little of what I’ve learned about grief.
First and foremost, just as there is no time limit on pain, there also isn’t a playbook.
You won’t understand how the world can keep spinning when yours has stopped. Most likely, you will be angry that it does.
You will long for Heaven in a way you never have before.
Grief comes in waves. Some days you swim. Others you feel as if you are drowning.
It feels like the loss was yesterday and forever ago at the same time!
Although the loss is shared with family/friends, it’s also uniquely different.
Many well meaning people will offer their advice. They will say things that:
-
-
- Touch your heart
- Make you cry/laugh
- Leave you shaking your head
- And sometimes rolling your eyes
-
Just remember, they mean well. Accept what works for you and let the rest go.
Realize that some people run to grieving people and some run away. Both are okay.
Many fail to realize being quiet and just being there works perfectly well.
It’s okay to not want to go places or do things. And although okay to not go, sometimes those are the things that wind up helping the most.
If you want to shoot things, throw or break things, go for it. Odds are you’ll be the one cleaning up the mess so try to keep it contained.
Carry this new found knowledge with you as you interact with others. That “rude cashier” or person giving you the one finger wave in traffic may have just lost someone as well and are doing all they can to make it through the day. In reality, it has very little to do with you.
Acknowledge that you are blessed. The void wouldn’t be so overwhelming, if your person wasn’t so amazing! Some people never get to experience this kind of love.
Try (I’m still working on this one) to not dwell on the loss but focus instead on the life they lived and the legacy they leave behind. If anyone ever enjoyed life, it was WF Griffin!
Dad, I can hear you saying: “I love you, Gal. See you some time tomorrow.”
I’d give anything if that tomorrow were today!
– Cindy Griffin Martins
Cindy told me there are no coincidences and I agree. After reading Cindy’s post, I now understand why I sat much longer than I normally do with those three sons left behind, not saying anything. I needed to just be present and a witness to their love for their father.
